hey i am back online. took a break and listened to my fave new artist Matt Maltese. if any of you are wondering what my dream man looks like/acts like, he is it. proper sad, self aware nerd and i am obsessed. never wanted a dick in my mouth so much in my LIFE fuck
100% my favourite picture of myself right now. I am finding such enjoyment in self portraits so I think I’m gonna have to buy a proper camera and really delve into different styles of portraiture. Yay, hobbies! Haha
*gentle reminder*
**turn your rebill on so you get to see me for another month!**
Like this post once you have & I’ll send you a fresh goodie once renewed ❤️
This was an accidental shot I took while shooting new photos for my page. I like it because it is an honest smile. I can’t remember what made me so happy but I’m glad I captured this.
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I slept over 12 hours last night! Bloody hell. I was totally exhausted.
It’s a dreary day where I am, which I don’t mind really because it makes me feel melancholy. I’m taking things slowly & completing tasks at a steady pace. It feels good to slow things down. Maybe I’ll walk in the rain. I feel like getting out in the sea air to tell you the truth. I fancy some alone time to think.
If you are here after being given a free trial and you like my content, please consider sending a tip! A lot of work goes into this page so a lil tip makes me feel appreciated. ❤️
I keep eyes on those of you here on a free trial too mwahahaha
Have you seen the photoset of me and @vixentalesof having a sleepover? Us girls wanna have fun. Tip $10 to receive the whole gallery! (Having my hands on this woman was one of the greatest pleasures of my life)
**Musings from bra, bruise & bush…**
I read something earlier which shifted my negative mood into an optimistic one.
It is often misconceived that being motivated is what gets the ball rolling, or gets us going. But it doesn’t work like that. Motivation often *follows* action, not the other way around.
***You don’t need to feel good to get going. Just get going and give yourself a chance to feel good.***
It is interesting because I have delayed so many tasks waiting to be “in the right mood” or in the “right frame of mind.” Spoiler alert: it doesn’t arrive. For example I often dread networking on social media because I like instantaneous rewards from tasks, and I know full well that a few adverts on my social pages won’t bring that. So I feel negative about it and neglect the task altogether. Last night though, I bit the bullet and did a few tasks that normally bore me to death. I wasn’t motivated or enthusiastic at all. But as I kept pushing through, I felt this sense of achievement and gradually I felt more in control despite the fear I had earlier about not reaping any rewards from my efforts.
It made me want to work *more*.
So what I’ve learned is to stop being a grumpy sod & get on with it. **Motivation follows action.**
Some of you enjoy paying for sexting sessions. I’m just reminding you that you can have those whenever you want. Just send me a message. You know me, I’m always eager to please.
One of my favourite parts of sex is that quick rush of removing clothes. We get tangled together, trying to unhook bras, remove shorts, rip off shirts. The anticipation builds rapidly, maybe we are still standing but our feet are losing balance. Your hands fumbling up my body, my hands searching down yours. Our eyes darting from mouth to eyes to mouth again, causing chaotic kisses & hungry tongues. I wanna feel that today. Can you imagine it?
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So I am currently away from home recovering and I’ve decided I want to study languages again.
Do you have hobbies? What do you all like doing in your spare time? Cooking? Art? Running? Make up? Music? Reading? 📚🔬🎨🎤🎼🎮
Please comment! ⤵️
I wore these panties for 2 days straight last week for a dedicated sub to purchase & enjoy. I exercised in them, masturbated in them, danced in them, slept in them. What a lucky boy. It is my new favourite thing to do.
TW: Mental illness, attempts, police, injuries, assault. Attached post includes images of bruising & injuries.
🌸🌸🌸
The outpouring of messages with tips & encouraging words has me sobbing behind these glasses. I haven’t regained my vision properly since the O-D on Friday so I am having to wear these while I work.
I also realise I didn’t do an update on the court case from when I was arrested during my breakdown in April.
As most of you will know, I suffered a breakdown not long after I was beaten at the kill the bill protests in the UK - protests I have since been arrested for as well. A lot of you saw the injuries I sustained, including bruising all over my body and a punctured thigh where a police dog had bitten me. Not long after these attacks, I had a meltdown, and an ambulance was called and the police came to section me under the mental health act. Unfortunately I was arrested and charged for assault. This is heartbreaking. I was in a position of total vulnerability and I was criminalised when all I needed was safety & love. Anyway, the hearing was Thursday & luckily the judge was kind & understanding. I wont serve time.
It is odd to me that I had good news on Thursday and then later that day made an attempt on my life. Sometimes feeling any emotion in the extreme can push us to behave in chaotic and seemingly insane ways. If I have learnt anything in the last few months it is to be patient with yourself and regularly remind yourself of how far you have come. My breakdown in April was the reason I decided to go sober, so while these past few months have been the worst of my life, I wouldn't change them. I had the longest period of sobriety ever since adulthood, I’ve made fantastic connections & have made several breakthroughs with my mental health.
So, that is one court case done. I am now awaiting trial for the protests as the police feel I played a big role in the organisation of them. I remember when I first posted about this - I was traumatised. (I’ll put the link in the comments & attach it to this post)
Thank you for letting me use onlyfans to get this out my system. I am recovering well from the attempt last week, and I feel mentally strong for what is to come in the next few months.
April breakdown = dealt with.
Protest trials = on-going.
Last week’s breakdown = still recovering.
Thank you for reading this and for offering me a place to vent. There are a few of you who have genuinely brought me out of depression pits, so if I can ever extend the same kindness then I am only a message away.
Sex, kink & money aside, I’m glad we are all here.
Original post about protest and the precursor to my mental health deterioration: https://onlyfans.com/129210754/soft_strong